The Line of the Cusp

We are waiting.  December 29th marks an odd day, not close enough for Christmas celebration, too far from New Year's Eve/Day.  We are waiting.
For the light to shine so clearly no darkness does overcome it.
For peace to reign in Jerusalem, home to 3 major World Religions, all based in peace.
For some equitable system so the poor are not oppressed by the wants of the middle class and above.
For our families to be places of welcome and joy, rather than rancor and divide.
For delight to return.
We are waiting for the new to redefine the old, or worn out or rotten, or hopeful, or joyous, this mixture we call life.
Standing on the line of the new  year, we wait--in hope, sorrow, anger, despair and deep joy, for you know what?  We are not alone!
At least we have each other, and some of us hold to the ancient/contemporary belief of God.  Who is very busy by the way even when we can't/don't take notice.
2010 is over, what will 2011 bring?  New Life.  Alleluia, Amen.

Dream Lines

A wonderful angel arrived in the gift box from my sister, Loretta, this year.  Adorned with all sorts of sayings the one that captured me is, 'Dream Bigger'.  What if I dreamed bigger about my personal life?  What if WE dreamed bigger about our communal life?
It makes me think of one of my favorite mantras:  "Am I living life with a clenched fist or an open palm?"  Am I trying to control the outcome of my life or am I participating in the Universe's plan, what I name God, to offer the very best of a caring, listening, open human being?
What if we were able to say:  "I am looking out for my own and for yours too"?
DREAM BIGGER!!!

Lines: Alone & Lonely

Two days, in just two days, I will be alone on Christmas, alone with myself and my 17.5 year old son Isaac. Church services finish at midnight on the cusp of the Eve and the Day, the demands of my professional life gone silent for the time being, a day when I say "I plan to stay in pj's until 4pm" as a way to help local people understand NOT being with family.  And there is the rub.
Living in a community with deep roots of which I am not a part, this holiday is particularly marked by sadness when my own precious family is not coming East nor me going West.  Unlike the Wise Men the star does not shine.  Only the dimly lit awareness of loss, abiding with this shepherd as she tends the sheep placed in her care.  No easy answers come in doing this thing labeled 'being faithful to your call'.  People better than me figure out the way to create families of choice while I still choose my original.
There is a line between alone and lonely, I live it almost every day not just the ones marked 'holy'.  Divorce  is the easy thing to blame; Wisdom, in Her beautiful way says, "No, this is the human condition until all is made whole once again.  Wait, ponder, work toward your own and the earth's healing--the line is narrower all the time."
In two days, I get to say Yes once again.

Lines between life and death

Saturday night I got the call late, 10:30pm.  'He's taken a turn for the worse.'  I respond, 'I'll pray and come tomorrow after church.' Then out of my mouth, 'I can come tonight.  Would you like me to come tonight?'  "Yes, if you are willing."  I am, willing to drive 40 miles at 11pm, getting to the hospital parking lot wondering about safety in the biggest city in Iowa.  Entering the ER, finding the family, they fall into my arms.  I don't know them well, except for the wife/mom whose husband/father is dying...in really painful ways after rallying through chemo and radiation.  Each time I try to leave that night he gets worse.  At 2:30 am I help the family make the decision to end all measures.  By 3:30, he's gone.  Dead, we watched and waited, the family holding him on one side, me on the other.  It was a mercy, it was time, the tableau of death, dear family members who loved him and he them.
  The line?  Friday night, this family's very first great-granddaughter was born.  The great-grandpa died knowing his great-granddaughter lived.  I ponder the line--life & death. They seem to be next door neighbors.  Letting go of life as we hold new life, admitting for a moment we are not in control. Thanks be to the One I name God.

Listening

Imagination is one of the faculties given to us.  It allows us to step into someone else's shoes or life at least for a moment, listening across the lines (or boundaries) of our own life for the rhythm of theirs.  Even ones who call us 'enemy' deserve a deep hearing.